15: Sharmon Lebby on Remembering your Worth, and Leaving Well
Sharmon Lebby has been the President of the Ethical Network of San Antonio, and COO of the Africa New England Chamber of Commerce. For over 20 years Sharmon has helped organizations set the foundations of their digital media presence and define their brands as a Creative Director and Brand Strategist.
Sharmon holds a B.S. in Biology from the University of South Carolina. To support her passions, Sharmon has worked as a Neuroscience Research Associate and Brand Consultant for non-profits and emerging businesses.
As an advocate for ethical businesses and co-host of Unpacking Ethical and the Slow Fashion Challenge, she encourages others to live intentionally sustainable lives while amplifying small businesses, connecting them with the resources they need to grow and thrive.
When she’s not lazing around, making up words, or consuming NadaMoo in epic proportions, Sharmon is writing and speaking on panels about the ties between environmentalism, social justice, inclusivity, and fashion.
“I just cannot keep up this speed anymore. It’s just affecting me in a myriad of ways. So I just, I just left it all. So that’s the beginning and the end – it was just burnout.”
Additional Quotes:
“My worth is not caught up in what I can do for you.
My worth is not caught up in what I produce.
My worth is not caught up in my gifts and my talents.”
”We talk a lot about boundaries with other people. Sometimes you’ve got to have boundaries with yourself. Sometimes you have to tell yourself no. Learning that lesson is probably the most important thing and the biggest piece of advice I would give.”
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This podcast is produced by Sarah Hartley.
Transcript:
I just cannot keep up this speed anymore. It's just affecting me in a myriad of ways. And so I just, I just left it all. So I'm like, that's, that's the beginning. And the end of it was just burnout.
This is Leaving Well, where we unearth and explore the realities of leaving a job, role, project, or title with intention and purpose. And when possible. Joy. I'm Naomi Hattaway, your host. I will bring you experiences and lessons learned about necessary endings in the workplace with nuanced takes from guests on topics such as grief, confidence, leadership, and career development.
Braided Throughout will be solo episodes sharing my best practices and leaving well framework. Expect to be inspired. Challenged and reminded that you too can embed and embody the art and practice of leaving well, as you seek to leave your imprint in this world. Sharmon Levy has been the president of the ethical of San Antonio and COO of the Africa, New England chamber of commerce for over 20 years.
Sharmon has helped organizations set the foundations of their digital media presence and define their brands as a creative director and brand strategist. Sharmon holds a BS in biology from the University of South Carolina to support her passions. Sharmon has worked as a neuroscience research associate and brand consultant for nonprofits and emerging businesses.
As an advocate for ethical businesses and co host of unpacking ethical and the slow fashion challenge, she encourages ethers to live intentionally sustainable lives while amplifying small businesses, connecting them with the resources they need to grow and thrive. When she's not lazying around, making up words, or consuming Natamu in epic proportions, Sharmon is writing and speaking on panels about the ties between environmentalism, social justice, inclusivity, and fashion.
Sharmon, I'm so glad to have you on this podcast. I'm so thrilled to be here. Will you start us off and tell us in your words about your transition and change story? I know it's come, it comes from kind of a bunch of different angles. So tell us. Yeah, I think it starts and ends with me being burnt out and not actually realizing it.
Right. So I. Always been like a lifelong worker. I think it just comes from having workaholic parents and, um, ones that really stress service in our lives. And so outside of my full time job, I've always been hugely involved in other aspects of my life, whether it was church or nonprofits or just a lot of service based things.
And. You know, I got into this ethical and sustainability thing more intentionally. I think it's always been a huge part of my life, but I was a little more intentional about it. And after a while and started my own clothing line on top of everything else that I was doing. And I went like that for about seven years.
And I was like, I am done. Like I just, I couldn't see a way forward. Um, I remember talking to a friend and I was like, I had accomplished everything in my life that I thought I would ever accomplish. And I had no idea what to do next. And, you know, looking back and even talking with her a little while ago, she was like, yeah, I, Like you get to this point where you're just completely done, you're burned out, and you just don't see a way forward.
And I hadn't really connected the two, I was just kind of, you know, in this lost state, like just wandering around, just doing whatever. And I was like, you know what? We're going home, you know, we're dumping all of this, like, I just cannot keep up this speed anymore. It's just affecting me in a myriad of ways.
And so I just, I just left it all. So I'm like, that's, that's the beginning and the end of it was just. Burnout. So you mentioned before we started recording that you grew up in a military family. So I'd be curious. So about your relationship to transition, because I'm guessing that meant moving quite a bit.
And then how did that, or maybe didn't connect to your own as an adult. Transition. Transition. Yeah, that's an interesting thought because change I think, has been integral in my life. I know a lot of people are scared of change, but I'm like, it's all I've experienced in my life is change over and over again.
And I think I always considered it one of my greatest strengths at how adaptable I was to any situation, just because I constantly had to be flexible and move around a bit. So that wasn't. Really the hard part. I think within this transition, I think what was really hard was I just feeling like the lack of independence because because of the moving and all this stuff.
I've also been very an independent person. I was always very extroverted and friendly and had lots of friends and lots of people, but I never relied on anybody because you don't necessarily everybody comes and goes, right? There's no one that really sticks around except for her family. And I was yeah.
Three, I don't know how long, 2000 something miles away from my family. And, and so I had become just very independent. I just didn't, I couldn't, I guess I felt like really relied on anybody else. And that was where the biggest change I think for me was, was then moving back home and now having to kind of rely on my parents again.
And I'm like, wait a minute, we, we left all this, but, but now we're, we're heading back into this like new space and this. New phase in my life. That's so interesting. And I'm curious when you say, so it all kind of happened all at once. And I am remembering. So you were, were you working and doing the clothing line at the same time?
And that all is what shifted at the same time. Yes. Yes. So I was working, I was, um, doing the clothing line. I was running a nonprofit. I was consulting with small businesses and other nonprofits as well. Um, I, I was doing it all in too much is really what it boils down to. Cause even within that nonprofit, trying to keep that afloat involved, wearing multiple hats as well.
So. Yeah. Is there, is there a plan or an implementation process that you embedded in the process? Or was it more of a one day you woke up and decided this isn't working for me? I tried to implement a plan just because I didn't want anybody to have to go through what I was going through. Right. And so I kind of extended out my leaving process because.
And since I did wake up one morning and I'm like, this isn't working, something needs to change. But even within that, I gave, um, like the nonprofit six months notice. I'm like, Hey, at this time, I'm, I'm going to be done. I'm going to be gone, you know, in six months and my job, I gave a two month notice. And I was like, Hey, we need to work and, you know, do something.
The clothing line, I just kind of dropped the ball on. And I'm like, we're, we're just not going to do this right now. Like, nevermind this. Yeah, so the nonprofit was extremely important to me and all the relationships that I had made through that and the businesses that we were supporting through that.
And I didn't want to drop the ball on that. And so it was a six month process of kind of transitioning and trying to bring in more people. And even in all this, I feel like I completely Yeah. Failed, but, but I tried my best to make it as easy of a transition as possible. And, and the same with my job, like with the nonprofit, I had realized how dependent they were on me being there with my job.
I'm like, you guys should have never been this dependent on me. And I need you guys to kind of get it together and learn some things. And so it was. It was just quite an interesting transition of learning more about me, learning about the people around me, and how In a sense, they, they took me and my work ethic for granted and my ability to do a lot of different things for granted.
And, um, I'm like, okay, this, this was never meant to be like this and none of this is okay. Well, and you, you mentioned that you feel like you may be failed in not having it go exactly the way that it needed to, but even just the intention around the runway of the time that you gave feels really, really impactful and you, you might not even ever know what you left behind as you left in that, in that, I'm like, I feel like I'm about to cry just thinking about that because I'm like, well, and I think, I think that whole concept behind leading well is that there has to be an intention and just having the intention was meaningful.
Is there anything that you wish was available to you or that you had done? I mean, we're kind of talking about this already, but is there anything that just sticks out to you? Like if you could give one person a piece of advice that you wish you would have done, is there anything I would say if you can't get the help and support that you need, Jess?
Don't do it. Right. I think there's so many things in life that we think need to be done and we keep adding more stuff onto our plates in order to make things happen. And at some point, we just have to be like, just kind of say no. And I, you know, we talk a lot about boundaries with other people. I'm like, sometimes you got to have boundaries with yourself.
Sometimes you have to tell yourself no. And I think. I think learning that lesson is probably the most important thing and the biggest maybe piece of advice that I would give anybody else is sometimes you got to tell yourself. No. Yeah. I love that. You said that about boundaries for ourselves. I, you can't see me as you're listening to this, but I was nodding my head furiously.
When Sharmon said that, because that's where we mess up the most, I think is forgetting about our own boundaries. And I think that there's so much power as well, from what you said about, if you can't do it, and if you don't have support, say no. And that includes the process of leaving. If you have two weeks or four weeks or six months left, that doesn't mean you all of a sudden pile on all of the projects that you couldn't get done before.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's powerful. So I'm guessing that you might still be processing the transition and the journey and the decisions you've made. What would you say you're walking towards? I am really walking towards, I think, healing and unpacking, um, the trauma that I don't think I realize. And, and in some ways I put myself through, through all the things that I was doing.
And that is, I feel like where my focus is because I, I really, I think I really and truly believed like when I walked out of this, that within like three months I would be good and ready to go again and we'd be charged up. And I'm like, here we are, like. Nearly a year later, and I'm still like, no, I'm still not ready to jump back in full time, really.
But I think it's interesting because you said, maybe before we hit record, but you were talking about coming from a family of service. So what are we if we're not serving? And I think it's something that I struggle with and I'm constantly having to remind myself and remind my parents as well that my, my worth is not caught up in what I can do for you.
My worth is not caught up in what I produce. My worth is not caught up in my gifts and my talents. I'm like, at some point I have to leave some of that for myself. Like I can't, I can't give you everything. And I remember, you know, my having this conversation with my mom and she was asking me to do different things for her.
And I was like, mom, I'm like, I don't, I don't have the time. And she would be like, well, I'll pay you for it. And I'm like, that doesn't automatically give me more time like that. You know, that doesn't money doesn't produce extra time. Right. When you're you're. Taught to serve constantly and taught to constantly give of yourself.
The boundary element kind of disappears and the lines are blurred and you just, you don't know kind of where. That self care and that boundary is versus being like this horrible, selfish person, right? And it's difficult to really determine what that is and what that looks like. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I wonder as I hear you talk then and you said it's been about a year.
Are there. poignant lessons that you've learned for yourself about rest. I think this constant self talk of being like, you rest because you need the rest, not because you deserve the rest. Like you just rest if you need the rest, your body's telling you you're tired. If it's not procrastination, if your body's like, We just can't right now.
Right. If your mind is just like we can't right now. I'm, I think I'm trying to constantly change that narrative in my own head about what rest is and why it's needed. I don't sit well. And so when I think about rest, it's like lying around doing nothing. Right. I can sit mindlessly, um, just drawing on. my iPad and that can be restful.
I can just kind of dissociate a little bit while reading a book and, and that can be rest. I can, you know, just mindlessly clean up the house and that's rest. It's, you know, letting my mind itself rest and maybe just doing the physical portions of things that allow my body to keep moving so that I'm not like super antsy and jittery and like.
What's happening with it? Because that's not restful for my mind if I'm like constantly like, Oh God, I should be doing stuff. But just to kind of, I need that. I just need to get out of my head sometimes and just let things happen. Well, and I think there's something to be said too, if you've spent a lifetime or many, many years, or even just many months having someone else depend on you for something, I think that rest sometimes comes when we're just alone, whatever we're doing, it can be very busy, or it can be very active, you know, heart rate high, whatever.
But if no one else needs us, to me, that's restful. So I'm with you on that, you know, disconnection and rest. Just having some boundaries between you and other people who are relying on you and that's a really good point too, because I. Have always been very highly empathic. I'm like huge into people. I need people around me.
I, you know, I have to connect and be connected. But I also pick up a lot from them. And so times, you know, people can be exhausting and sometimes I just need to disconnect. And so, yeah. Yeah. What three words would you use to describe change and transition? I would say humbling, humbling, humbling.
I think you just, you don't know what you don't know until you do it, right? Yeah. You know, that's an interesting. So when you said that, I was like, oh, that's really interesting. But it comes back to that. Um, I think misnomer that if you're not scared of change, or that if it's been part of your life, that you should know what you're doing.
And we don't we don't we don't know what the next change in transition will look like. We might have some tools. To know how to navigate or how to plan, but it's always going to be a new change and that's part of it. Yeah. And I think that is definitely what it's been for me. I think I had a point, like I said before, it was like three months.
I'll be good. Right. And I had a plan on exactly what was going to happen, where I was going to go, what we're going to do next. And like, everything just kind of fell apart on me. And I was like, oh, wait, what's happening now? Like, you know, where do we go from here? Is there anything that you have to say that would be irreverent or shocking or surprising, maybe not necessarily about your change and transition, it could be, or just about change and transition in general that people should know, I feel like just saying change is not a bad thing is.
I mean, to me, it's not shocking, but I feel like to the rest of the world being like, change is not bad. Different is not bad. I think that's a huge thing in a way kind of off topic, but I'm like, we focus so much on what's similar and same, even in between people. And I'm constantly just like, different is not bad.
Like, you know, let's, you know, celebrate differences. That's there's nothing wrong with different. There's nothing wrong with change. Um, and. That's about as shocking as I get. Well, but I think, I think you're on something there because Different is good. And there's, there's, you know, sameness is probably the opposite of that.
That also has to do with comfort levels then. And so we're inside of our comfort bubbles all the time. Is that what we strive for? You know, I don't think we want that. No. And I'm like, and self reflection is like the key to everything. I think just being a little self aware and a little, just getting, digging into yourself a little bit can change your entire world.
That is so true. So true. Um, I have two more questions for you. The first one of those two is what does leaving well mean to you leaving? Well, to me means just. Leaving in a place where you know, you're moving in a more positive direction. So, you know, I think a lot of times we're like, we're leaving in a good place or we're leaving in a happy place and I don't think that necessarily has to be the case.
I think it is just, you know, you're moving in a better and different direction for you. That's powerful and such a good reminder for folks. Is there any advice or recommendations about transition and change that you'd like the folks to know or anything that we haven't covered that you'd like to talk about?
There's strength in a support system. Like, as a very highly independent person myself, I think part of that humbling experience was learning to depend and rely on other people again. Um, I, I just don't think people should necessarily see that as a weakness, asking for help is not a weakness, allowing people to help you is, is not a weakness, there's strength in that, there's strength in recognizing what you can and can't handle and, um, and where you're at mentally and physically and rely on people is, I guess, my biggest advice and that's okay.
It's okay to rely on people. Yeah, I love that. It's a good reminder. I think, you know, the, the strong woman trope can get us in trouble. Thank you for everything that you've shared. I mean, we covered the gamut of. What it means to be in service and of service and what it means to have that completely wreck you and burn you out what it means to literally shift everything, including a move, even though you're used to it and then kind of going to the end of relying on people and that that needs to be something that we all do, including boundaries.
Yes. Yeah. Keep those boundaries. Sharmon, thank you so much. Thank you.
To learn more about Leaving Well and how you can implement and embed the framework and culture in your own life and workplace, visit naomihattaway.com. It's time for each of us to look ourselves in the mirror and finally admit we are playing a powerful role in the system.
We can either exist outside of our power or choose to decide. To shift culture and to create transformation until next time. I'm your host, Naomi Hattaway, and you've been listening to leaving. Well, a navigation guide for workplace transitions.