40: Protecting Your Heart, Walking Away, and Leaving Well
In this episode, we’re going to talk about protecting your heart, walking away, and leaving well. If you’re new here, Leaving Well is the art and practice of leaving a place, role, title, or thing with intention and purpose, and when possible … joy.
Resources and articles mentioned in this episode:
Zena Me’s LinkedIn post
To learn more about Leaving Well, visit https://www.naomihattaway.com/
To support the production of this podcast, peruse my Leaving Well Bookshop or buy me a coffee.
This podcast is produced by Sarah Hartley.
Transcript:
This episode is all about protecting your heart. Originally inspired by a post I saw on LinkedIn from Zena Me (I’ve linked that post in the Show Notes for this episode) talking about five signs that it’s time to walk away.
1️- You're constantly stressed and anxious.
2️- You experience a lack of respect or feel undervalued.
3️- There’s no room for growth or personal development.
4️- Your needs are consistently ignored or dismissed.
5️- The situation doesn’t align with your core values.
Zena goes on to share these five reasons for leaving well:
1. ❤️ Taking your 'heart' back from a job, an organization, a client etc, gives you much greater capacity and agency for your next movement and growth.
2. 🔆 You can turn to focus on the future rather than be 'stuck' energetically in the past.
3. 👐🏼 You free yourself from the role you inhabited, so the next person can build on what you contributed to the organization.
4. 🫶🏻 You can consciously let go of the loyalty to the people you worked with, leaving you open and available to build new relationships.
5. 🪢 It frees you from any entanglements that may become an ongoing hidden pattern in your relationships.
What I love about this is that it gives us some agency, control, and say-so in how our leaving process impacts not only us, but our future work. There is so much power in being able to let go of our connection to the work that we are leaving, and for more reasons than just our own mental wellbeing.
First of all, it’s important to share that I use the word untether when it comes to discussing all things Leaving Well. I like the concept of untethering much better than the idea of detaching, even though they may seem extremely similar.
The definition of untether is to release, or free from restraints. The definition of detach is to remove from association or disconnect. Maybe that’s semantics and the differences are too nuanced to worry about, but I prefer untether.
Ok, so when we untether from our work, it doesn’t mean that we have to forget about the impact we’ve had, or disassociate ourselves from the progress made, projects begun, relationships formed, etc. What it does mean is that in order to set ourselves up for the next thing coming into our lives, we need to properly care for our heart and untether from our connection to that work.
Doing so helps create a beautiful space for the next person who comes into your role or organization to continue the work you’ve started. A key thing to remember here is that there are all sorts of ways that your work can be carried forward. It could be continued in the same fashion you laid out, it could be pivoted or shifted into a new direction, it could be merged or incorporated into a new collaborative project, or it could be ended and wrapped up without seeing the impact you originally intended. All of this is ok, natural, normal, and healthy. Freeing yourself from that role allows the next person to step in and carry things forward.
As you untether, you can also intentionally work to protect (or take back) your heart as you create space for new relationships, whether that’s with your friends and family, or new opportunities with people you haven’t met with.
As you listen, if you are thinking to yourself that there’s no way you’re ready to navigate the untethering of your identity and heart with the work, consider asking yourself these questions:
Did I give the right amount of myself to this work?
How can I take what’s mine (from the work) and leave the rest with others?
What am I most proud of from this work that I’m leaving?
How did this work contribute to my overall ‘body of work’ or portfolio?
What does protection look like for your organization and your teams?
For managers and leaders by title, I believe you have a regular opportunity and responsibility to contribute to the concept of protecting the hearts of your team. Protection doesn’t need to be rigid or definitive. Protection can also look like simply understanding that a large number of folks who work in your teams and departments are actively leaving - either currently looking, or beginning to untether.
How can you support them through intentionally designed “stay” interviews or more thoughtful 1:1 meetings with your team? Through the implementation of regular knowledge transfer efforts across your organization, you can embed healthy and proactive pillars of my Leaving Well framework, before it becomes an urgent matter.
Recently, during one of my bajillion flights in 2024 for work or speaking engagements, I was navigating through the Atlanta airport during a layover. I like to prioritize extra time in airports to get some steps in, and while walking I noticed a lot of construction happening above our heads, in the ceiling. While it wasn’t actively happening, the construction, the evidence was clearly obvious: hanging lights in various states of completion, exposed duct work, and hundreds of large red tags hanging at various lengths from the ceiling.
While walking, I noticed these, and then finally stopped to look more closely at what the red tags said: “Fixture is safe and supported from structure.”
The tags were both a proactive and reactive response to the reality that construction was happening, and that the public would be interacting with said construction. The simple acknowledgement that most people would — if they looked up — be concerned about the hanging fixtures, led someone to suggest signage to share that this situation is safe.
Doing the same in our workplaces doesn’t have to be complicated.
acknowledging that People Leave™️ allows the organization to proactively work to shore up “the fixtures”
operationalizing the organization’s values, and sharing them “out loud” and transparently allows the public, the community, and future employees to feel supported, included, and informed
when holding interviews, share your organization’s values with candidates and ask which value they most align with
operationalize your organization’s values in your job descriptions
Speaking of values, in Episode 18 of the Leaving Well Show with Louiza “Weeze” Doran we talked about liberation and values. If you’ve spent any time with me, you know how important I think values are in the workplace! Especially in the space of nonprofits, it can be challenging to keep track of our personal values as you are likely deeply embedded in movement building, advocacy work, or justice work across your field, sector, or industry. When you inevitably find yourself at a crossroads, and desire a change, or at a minimum hope for a reconnection to your values. Maybe you’re pondering leaving. Maybe you haven’t been treated well. Maybe there's folks in power and leadership that are working against you.
I know that you can name a handful of organizations whose leaders have been at their nonprofits for decades. While you think of those organizations and those executive leaders, where can you look at some accountability for yourself? First, we need to agree that our decision making, actions, and behavior are going to leave a lasting impact on community, culture, policy, structure, and politics. Second to that, we need to acknowledge that the further removed you are from those that are really plugged into the needs – the current true needs – it may be time to step aside.
I love that Weeze shared this quote, because values help keep you really tight and close to what you need to be doing next:
“What decision can I make that aligns closest to my values that's going to let me sleep at night? Values can help the journey back to center be a little shorter when you find yourself off.”
I believe that you cannot get that far off of center when you're living in accordance with and operationalizing your values. Centering your values can also help you protect and guard your heart, even when (and especially when) you’re in the middle of navigating a departure, or an untether, from the workplace.
Thanks for listening, my friend.
