Wobble Board
Many, many years ago, I participated in physical therapy for my knee/leg due to a running injury. I was instructed to use the wobble board. The wobble board is HARD. Just when you think you've gotten your balance, you over-correct and find yourself right back where you started. The energy needed to keep your feet level and perpendicular to each other is immense and the exercise is tiring.
The wobble board ... and the constant effort needed to keep your balance and your center evenly distributed at all times ... builds your core strength while stretching and strengthening your problem areas. I feel like our entire planet is on a wobble board right now.
When we moved from the United States to India, in 2009, I lived on a wobble board for quite awhile both emotionally and mentally. The truth is, I was quite often a mess during those times. Most days, I was on the verge of tears from sheer exhaustion or frustration.I kept hearing "wow, you are so amazing" and "Naomi, I just DONT know how you're doing all of this." I wasn’t a super hero, or someone to admire, really. I definitely didn’t receive the Mother of The Year award during that time, and for SURE did not win points in the friendship department. See, I plastered on a face every morning when I woke up. It was a face of "all-together-now".
That face — which I remember clearly now during today’s climate — comes complete with that smile ... that smile that reassures you all that I'm handling this like a trooper. It comes with bright and shining eyes that portray 100% excitement about the adventure we're about to start. It also comes with a tongue that I've been biting. It comes with "cute" outfits and always earrings (because as old friend always said, looking good is one thing that you CAN control when life feels like it's rapidly spiraling downward) and perky answers to all of the questions about life in Delhi, India. The struggle wasn't about India though. It also wasn’t about solo parenting (there’s a huge distinction in my mind between solo and single parenting). It was more about trying to navigate a HUGE life change ... without my husband by my side. It was more about trying to make sense of what our family needs most right now ... without him to talk it through at every stage of the game.It's about needing to be told "this is going to be GOOD" ... from the person that means the most to me. He truly is my rock ... the one that I look to when I need reassurance ... and the one that reminds me that I'm ok. He is the guy that can calm my fears with just a squeeze of my shoulders and can right my upside-down-ness with a simple "I love you." I did a wicked job of holding it all together. I perfected the pat answers to the typical questions about our upcoming move. But when alone at night ... or when on the phone with Todd ... I melt. I rocked the process of actually coordinating that move (and so many other moves). I've navigated --- solo ---- the unknown waters of sea shipments, international school applications, vaccinations/immunizations, relocating animals, readying a house to be put on the market and virtually "closing up shop" for our India move, Singapore, Florida, Virginia, back to Ohio and then to Nebraska. I have efficiently gotten our family from a seemingly normal existence in the snowglobe of Ohio to the current upheaval of living out of suitcases for the past four weeks. I've done all of that ... with that stupid plastered smile on my face.
At night, I cried.
See, the person that I chose in 2003 to stand by my side ... during the hard times and the good times ... was physically absent. At the time of the move to Delhi, he was over 8,000 miles away and had been for many months ... forging our path and working LONG hours. He had to adapt to a foreign culture first, get used to a new environment while alone, working through ridiculous demands on his mind and body, cross country travel and sleepless nights ... and doing it all for us. We work together as a team so incredibly well ... he is 100% the person that brings resolution to my manic-ness. I balanced on that wobble board for 82 days while we moved to India, and I find myself on it again with both the recovery of my leg, and as we navigate COVID-19 as a family. It’s been - - again - - for far too long now ... without the one person that I want so terribly to hold my hand and help me find my center. When I lean too far to the left - as I try to overcompensate, I need him here to guide me back to "still". When my legs get shaky and I can't seem to find my balance because I'm overwhelmed, I function better when I have his hands to steady me. When I'm just in need of someone to hold me up because I'm exhausted, I need my life-blood to be on real time, not in a different time zone..
My ability to keep the wobble board upright is slowly waning, but there is newfound energy with the words “I’m doing the best I possibly can."
We all find ourselves on the wobble board right now … in one way or another. Maybe you are separated from your kids, or your partner. Maybe you’re all in the same household and that’s causing angst. If bringing your work load and your childrens’ school work into your home is causing stress, you are not alone (though I wish we would quit calling this “home school” and “working from home”, because words matter so much in how we perceive a situation). Perhaps worry about loved ones, or empathy for people you don’t know in real life feel as though it’s taking over. The cooped up requirements, the inability to move about as you’re used to may hav you feeling quite frustrated. For some, the nerves are on high alert, and your “normal” coping mechanisms are failing you. Some are choosing to navigate their daily reality in ways that looks like they are champions, when it’s simply a series of intentional choices, over and over. As the days pass, more and more of us are hearing about the deaths of loved ones, or relatives of close friends. These are not uncertain times for the entire world, because all of life is and always has been uncertain. For many of your neighbors, their entire lives have been uncertain, sometimes more than you’d have previously understood. For those of us with privileges, these times are challenging, grief-stricken and mind numbing. But these times do not have to be debilitating.
The only way through this … is through. What will your core strength look like on the other side of this? Are you experiencing overwhelm or over-correcting? Are you in the midst of shut down and hide, or productivity and too much? Give yourselves grace as you navigate the wobble board, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to help keep you steady. Oh, and put on some earrings.
