10 Things to Say More Often
1. I'm listening.
You know how those conversations go, when you say casually "How are you?" and just as the person starts to respond, you get distracted somehow? Simply saying "I'm listening" (even as an internal and quiet reminder to yourself) can have a powerful reaction with the person you're speaking with. We all crave to simply be heard.
2. I didn't know.
Or even I don't know. Admitting that you aren't the expert on the subject, or that you weren't aware of something provides a very quiet and simple segue into the communicator being able to keep speaking. What a world it would be if more of us told the truth and said “I don’t know” or humbly replied “I didn’t know” when learning something new.
3. Tell me more about that.
Again, this is a super simple way to request that the person you're with gets the green light to keep talking. Not everyone has the confidence to speak verbally and sometimes those we are in discussion with just need a nudge to ... keep talking.
4. Can you help me?
This is one that I need to say more and more and ... MORE. There are so many people that have resources, education, skills and TIME that I don't have. Asking for them to help me is a lesson that I need to be intentional about. Instead of me spinning my wheels at something I have to work at, why not ask someone to help?
5. How can I help you?
We are all human and because of that, sometimes we assume that we know what others need. Try it. Ask someone to get specific with you. What can I do to help you? The caveat to this statement is that sometimes you need to simply take action when supporting someone through a challenging time. During grief, tragedy, struggle, or loss, asking what you can do is often hollow, and I recommend instead taking action to send a food gift card, drop off a small bag of groceries, or stop by to physically assist or help with a chore, task, or to just offer time to sit with them.
6. I need to tell you something.
Honesty in any relationship is so seriously important. Honesty in this aspect doesn't mean the opposite of a lie, but instead more along the lines of sometimes saying things that aren't obvious. Sometimes this phrase will be followed by "I really appreciate _______ about you" and sometimes it will be followed by "I'm worried about you because ___________" Honesty is always the best policy, especially when honesty hasn’t been explicitly requested.
7. Yes.
Some of you need to say yes more. The elation and joy that you might feel if you unabashedly and enthusiastically say YES! is pretty fun to experience.
8. No.
Some of you need to say no more. The weight that is lifted off, the lighter schedule and the lack of pressing deadlines is a huge gift you can give yourself by learning to say no more often.
9. I love you.
Not just to those who live in your house with you, but when was the last time you told a FRIEND "I love you" ? Does it feel awkward to even think about that? I'm not talking about just signing your email with xoxoxo or a casual "love ya" but saying it out loud and meaning it. Tell them you love them ... and let it represent your appreciation of their friendship, their ability to make you laugh. Tell them you love them ... and let it represent an "I'm sorry for what you're going through" or a "You can do this and I believe in you". Just say it.
10. Nothing.
Yes. Nothing. Practice it during your next meeting, or conversation. I’ll admit that sometimes this is challenging for me, so instead, I make a habit out of keeping my lips together, turning the corners of my mouth up into a slight smile, and pressing the tip of my tongue onto the roof of my mouth. Works (almost) every time.
Kid President has 20 things we should be saying more often. I love his #1 (and his 'bonus thing'):
Your turn. Which of these ten things to say comes easy to you? Which one is a struggle?
